sunburned | (no subject)

"Nothing we do is ever easy, Laurence. It wouldn't be us if it was." His mouth quirks and he ducks his head. "Have you considered that, perhaps, You might be over thinking something that's actually very simple? That the answer won't just...present itself in abstract?"

Laurence looked down with a small sigh, feeling very tired. He had been over thinking things and it showed. "It being a simple thing at heart is perhaps what worries me most."

Granby frowns, puzzling that over in his head for a moment. He drops into the chair at Laurence's side.

"I'm not sure that I follow," he says. "Why would that be true?"

"I have spent my whole life believing that some things are-- Well, that they are wrong." Laurence ran an uncertain hand through his hair. As terrible as it was, he nearly had to force himself to look Granby in the eye as he spoke. But things needed to be said. "And to suddenly find myself drawn towards that when I never before thought I might be... so inclined." He sighed, words trailing off for a moment.

"To have something you were once so certain off be proven false is a worrying thing, Granby."

Edited 2012-08-19 18:16 (UTC)

He listens quietly and, when Laurence is done, he nods. He leans forward in the chair, fingertips grazing Laurence's knee - the touch is designed to be reassuring, rather than any sort of advance.

"I understand that, Will, I do. I spent a lot of time worrying over the right and wrong of all this. But. We want what we want. And there's only so far that thought can bring us."

"I know." Laurence looked down at the hand on his knee, such a benign gesture, but still capable of making something within him flip alarmingly. "But I am not you. I have never simply... let myself act so freely."

"Let yourself," says Granby, gently. "Do you not think that that might be the problem, Laurence? That he yet to give yourself permission for any of this?"

"I do not know if I can. I never truly have." He shook his head, trying to portray a firmness he did not entirely feel. It may have been a byproduct of his background, it may have been some quirk of his own manner, but, no matter the cause, he did not like discussing such intimacies. "It is not simply because of you." And all that being with Granby entailed.

He thought about something Julie had said to him, about her date and about how he hadn't done anything unless she'd done it first. He thought about the constant, shimmering desire. His thumb pressed against the fabric of Laurence's trousers.

"Would it be so bad to let it happen and...put a stop to it if it's not truly what you want?" he says. "Because, Jesus, Will, there's a bloody storm in me."

"I am sorry, Granby. I do not know that I can," he repeated, a blush already creeping over his face at the mere thought of what was being suggested. And in the middle of the afternoon too.

"You think too much, Will," he murmurs and then he leans across, between the two chairs, and kisses him, solidly on the mouth. For a moment, he complete forgets that anyone might see.

Laurence, however, does not and cannot forget that fact and, despite a moment of giving in to it, he pulls back nearly immediately, looking around with a burning face. Almost anyone could have seen and he would not have stood for that no matter who his partner was.

"Goddamnit, Will," growls Granby, uncharacteristically irritable and pushes to his feet again. There's dark colour in his cheeks. "if you insist on maintaining a perfect ignorance of any part of me then I don't see what this will ever come to."

Nothing. Forever.

"Well, you might try showing a bit of restraint in public," Laurence answered sternly. He was on his feet as well, looking (regrettably) up at Granby, the color in his face now due to annoyance more than embarrassment.

Edited 2012-08-19 21:07 (UTC)

"In public?" snaps Granby. "Have you any idea how much restraint I've been showing in private, let alone in public?"

He reaches out and grabs hold of Laurence's wrist, caring little how much his fingers dig in as he drags him after him, into the hut. Once they're inside, he bodily pushes Laurence back against the wall, stepping into his space.

"Better? More appropriate?"

"What in heaven's name is the matter with you?" Laurence asked, well on his way to angry now and not bothering to hide it behind politeness. His head was still whirling a bit from the suddenness of Granby's movements, but nonetheless he pushed himself off of the wall, attempting to move past the obstacle of the other man's body.

"You. You're the matter with me. Bloody hell, Laurence, can you not see how maddening all of this is.". He stands his ground, solid and furious. "To want you more than I've ever wanted anything in my life and to be barely allowed to touch you? Have you any idea at all what that feels like?"

"I can imagine it quite well," he answered, standing his ground as well now that it was quite clear Granby had no intention of moving. It was likely that he could have easily moved the man aside if he wanted to, but he was too angry now to touch him and go where that might lead. "Do you think I have never wanted before?"

"Before, maybe," he says, face burning but he refused to look away, to talk away. "But not me."

"That is not what I meant." Laurence tried sidestepping around him this time, growing more annoyed as his words were turned around. "This is something different. You said I might have time."

"Time, yes, but this?"He pushes Laurence back again, and, this time, his hand stays against his chest. "Either you want me or you don't, Will, but this? This being afraid to even touch you? It's intolerable. You've seen my sketchbook. You've seen what I'm reduced to. And, always, this creeping fear that I've some how cornered you into something that you don't want. Will never want. Because your bloody head will never say yes."

Laurence swallowed back the quick, angry words he wanted to say, his heart beating fast, breathing uneasy under Granby's hand. He could not remember the last time he had felt so close to either violence or something else entirely. "You said I might have time," he repeated for a lack of anything else to say, voice measured, but under a great deal of strain. "It is still new."

"It's not new," snaps Granby, his hand still in place on Laurence's chest. It feels like he's barely holding himself in check. "It's not new because it's not anything, Laurence. Because you won't let it be. I don't know why you don't find a woman who'll have you. It'd be easier on your conscience."

"Perhaps it might be," he said, pushing Granby's hand from his chest and moving to the side. It was becoming ridiculous and he had no desire to be part of a scene. He was acting in haste, and he might regret it later, but at the moment he could not stop. "Perhaps you should content yourself with another as well. And then we will both be happier, yes?"

It's as though something snaps in his chest, something long wound tight. He steps in, pushing Laurence back against the wall again and, this time, he bends his head and catches his mouth in a hard, desperate sort of kiss. When it breaks, he's breathless and flushed.

"For the last time," he says. "It is you that I want."